Encounter with a very straight police officer

Policeman:  What was in the bag? Any valuables?
Me:  A stethoscope, worth about £100 quid.
Policeman:  Anything else in it?
Me:  Nothing else worth mentioning.
Policeman:  OK, I'll put down an estimated loss of £100 then.  Oh wait, don't think the bag cost much?
Me:  Well, it actually did.  It was about £850.
Policeman:  £850???  What kind of bag costs £850?  What is it made of?  How come? (continued to stutter)
Me:  Well it's LV.
Policeman: (very blankly) LV?  What's that?
Me:  Louis Vuitton.  (Seeing that he is still not registering, I proceded to explain that it was a brand.)
Policeman:  Can you spell that please?
Me:  L-O-U-I (interrupted by him to slow down)-S  V-U-I-(interrupted again)-T-T-O-N.
Policeman:  What shape was it?
Me:  Rectangular.
Policeman:  So, essentially a laptop bag then.
Me:  Might look like one, to the untrained.

the damage.....fucker

That was part of the conversation that I had with a police officer at Kennington police station as I was reporting a crime committed against my car and my bag.  Some bastard smashed my car window and slung his filthy arm into my coupe and took away with it my black Taiga leather work bag containing the one tool I heavily depended on to do my job.  You bastard, you had better not end up overdosed with cocaine bought with the cash you got from flogging my belongings.  You may end up in A n E and come to face to face with a stethoscope-less doctor!  Or worse, you may not even get there in time.