Deception

Nothing is worse than catching your boyfriend's mischief red-handed.  Firstly the explosion of anger.  Then the repulsion.  Followed by the sinking feeling that the person whom you had so trusted had cheated on you.  Not just one random horny fuck.  Two proper fucks.  Numerous texts.  Daily calls.  Same person.  In my fucking apartment.  All whilst I am out of town hard at work.

The irony of it all is that I should be happy.  I should have been happy that he had made it so easy for me to call the shot that I had wanted for a long while now.  This afternoon, before all the drama, I was actually talking to a close friend of mine whether I should bring the 10-month long relationship to an end.  My feelings for him had been steadily diminishing.  The initial physical attraction could not prevail over the impracticalities of dating a 23-year old college student.  Our future paths could not have appeared more  divergent.

He was astonished by my reaction upon the accidental revelation.  He said he did not think I would so much to care a fuck.  He accused me of being icy cold for the past couple of months.  Fine, guilty as charged.  But that still does not give him the right to be so indignant under such circumstances.  I asked him to get out of my sight STAT.  But just as he was doing so, it just hit me how crap I felt.  In those few moments, I realised how much I actually cared for him.  I was in tears (nearly), and realising that he actually meant something to me, he crumbled too.

A long talk ensued, and I cannot believe that I am doing this, but we are actually giving each other another chance.  For me, it is a waking up call.  Never take anyone for granted.  I had thought that he loved me so much that even when I did not reciprocate fully, he would always be on my side.  It is so true that only when you are threatened with the loss of someone that you realise how much you value him.

I am not sure if it is the wise decision, but I will stick to it for now.  I hope this cock-up (pun intended) would serve to better our relationship rather than be the start of a downward spiral into the world of deception.